intjonathan | less-wild lovers

I've been reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge and it's been distracting me from homework all day. I'm increasingly okay with that. Chemistry is just a grade, my well-being is everything. It's much harder to study when you feel it's all pointless anyway.

What we are doing in this costume ball of life is looking to avoid exposure while at the same time trying to offer something that will bring us glory.

Much of the book tries to lean on your sense of identity and fear, and is a kind of spiritual counterpart to Hendrix's excellent Getting the Love you Want. While Hendrix approaches this problem within the framework of healing a marriage, Curtis and Eldredge approach it at an individual level. Where Hendrix uses a doctor's specificity, Curtis and Eldredge must be more broad. They are speaking of life itself, and quote shamelessly from dozens of sources to convey the wide reach of their concepts.

As long as we do not admit that the deep things of our heart are there - the rejection and hurt, the shame and sorrow, the anger and rage - these rooms of our heart become darkened and the enemy sets up shop there to accuse us.

What both books stress is the concept of a false or functional self, the identity we weave from our experience in the world. Identity is a slippery thing, defined very early in our lives by the people most important to us. By the time we realize it's failed us, we've lost the ability to start over.

Each book takes a different approach to the starting over problem. Hendrix has nearly 100 pages of tests and exercises for a couple to work out - a sensible approach for a problem involving so much communication. Curtis and Eldredge try to convey that identity is something we must seek as part of our relationship with God. All of us attach our human experiences to our image of God, and 100% of the time they're wrong. Awakening us to the utterly wild, daring, and vulnerable nature at the very heart of God can rouse us to awaken ourselves to the larger story around us. But we must face the dark and weary night of our own souls first.

Every woman is in some way searching for or running from her beauty and every man is looking for or avoiding his strength.

Aside: If you read this far I challenge you to watch for something in daily life: listen to people of each gender describe their self-image in terms of beauty and strength. You are likely to be surprised, as I was, at how strong a theme it is in everyday speech - especially when the speaker doesn't realize it.

Unlike Eldredge's later Wild at Heart, which was aimed specifically at men, Romance covers both angles but only in general terms. The concept of seeking beauty and strength is part of this book but only when giving specifics. Wild gets into much more detail about what each sex needs, and I would definitely reccommend reading both books if you read one. Where one book says what a soul needs, often the other says how to obtain it.

I felt the concept of beauty/strength could use more discussion in Romance, as it's a key dividing line in how men and women will read the book. Much time is spent on the concept of God as a lover seeking the passion of his people, but each sex wants different things from their lover. Men want to be heros, and God as challenging and wild will resonate with them. Women want to be desired, and long for a God who will seek them for their own beautiful heart. Throwing away your decades-old identity is made simpler by encountering a God who wants to give you one that is infinitely better, and "better" is very different for each sex.

That said, the book is generally excellent and I'd recommend it to those curious about the nature of the Christian God. He is very different than anyone understands, and church culture has generally missed the mark regarding God as a lover. An ever stronger recommendation goes to Christians feeling lost or tired of life. A life following God is many things, but one thing it should never be is boring. Difficult but not hopeless, patient but not bored, wandering but not lost.