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sick unto death
May. 30th, 2001 01:54 pmI'm looking at another week or more of compression (see entry for 16 May 2001). This is not a happy thing. It's the last 2 weeks of the quarter and I'm scared. Really scared.
I got like 1 right on my math quiz. That is a worse thing than I care to imagine. I honestly don't know how I'm going to pull a 2.0 out of this class anymore. Even when I do all the homework in a section I still faceplant on the quizzes. I don't know why this happens. Neither do I know how to do anything about it.
It's not very encouraging that, as much as my friends have been talking to me more, I really can't talk back as much - or at least I shouldn't. I usually end up yakking about when I shouldn't because it makes me happy.
It occurred to me the other night that the things that I'm good at are very specific. The reason is that I tried hard to be good at those things because I enjoyed them and thought they'd get me ahead in life. For instance, digital photo alteration. I'm a decent photo editor (if a lousy artist) and I got that way by doing it a lot. I've never taken a class or had someone tell me it'd be good to know it so you can get a job. I just picked it up because it was useful and relatively enjoyable. Most of the things that I bust my tail for are the same way.
Unfortunately for me, the things I find useful and enjoyable rarely have any bearing on actual real-world usefulness. "Real-world" as defined by "good grades and job skills". My interest level in things that lead to good grades and job skills is so minimal that it's like stuff I do in my spare time. A hobby. Sadly, this involves things like math. And money management. Fairly important stuff, at least it looks that way. To my distracted mind math doesn't look useful.
Basically that was a long-winded way of explaining why I have exceedingly good social skills and can't hack math when I could be a master of both. Math is not an interesting problem. People like to solve interesting problems. People are interesting, so I solve people.
I've got you figured out.
Everyone's afraid of their own lives
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
-Brock-
I got like 1 right on my math quiz. That is a worse thing than I care to imagine. I honestly don't know how I'm going to pull a 2.0 out of this class anymore. Even when I do all the homework in a section I still faceplant on the quizzes. I don't know why this happens. Neither do I know how to do anything about it.
It's not very encouraging that, as much as my friends have been talking to me more, I really can't talk back as much - or at least I shouldn't. I usually end up yakking about when I shouldn't because it makes me happy.
It occurred to me the other night that the things that I'm good at are very specific. The reason is that I tried hard to be good at those things because I enjoyed them and thought they'd get me ahead in life. For instance, digital photo alteration. I'm a decent photo editor (if a lousy artist) and I got that way by doing it a lot. I've never taken a class or had someone tell me it'd be good to know it so you can get a job. I just picked it up because it was useful and relatively enjoyable. Most of the things that I bust my tail for are the same way.
Unfortunately for me, the things I find useful and enjoyable rarely have any bearing on actual real-world usefulness. "Real-world" as defined by "good grades and job skills". My interest level in things that lead to good grades and job skills is so minimal that it's like stuff I do in my spare time. A hobby. Sadly, this involves things like math. And money management. Fairly important stuff, at least it looks that way. To my distracted mind math doesn't look useful.
Basically that was a long-winded way of explaining why I have exceedingly good social skills and can't hack math when I could be a master of both. Math is not an interesting problem. People like to solve interesting problems. People are interesting, so I solve people.
I've got you figured out.
Everyone's afraid of their own lives
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
-Brock-
