gaah, you weren't supposed to talk about specifics... oh well I didn't warn you.
I call the rock I hide under the "lutheran bretheren church". We are firm believers in heartache and scars, apparantly. I'm the outsider at my church for not having a girlfriend. And all that stuff went under my homeschool radar, or maybe it was before my time.
You say everybody gets burned from dating. What if everybody didn't? I'm not out to call dating Beast and cry for its abolition, but I will make it exceedingly clear that I feel there's a better way. I mean, given the choice - and I was - wouldn't you try and select the best way to find a mate? One that minimized suckiness/heartbreak/pregnancy? I think open selection is a very important step if you want to decide how to approach an important decision such as this.
Now, it's a bit odd to discuss this with someone for who discusses dating in past-perfect tense (pot to kettle: you are black) so I'm not going to try and change your mind. But I do want to correct a misunderstanding.
they... said that I couldn't get into a dating relationship until I thought I was going to marry someone, then we would begin courting.
That is correct only in the letter of the theory, and misses the point. There is a stage necessary before courtship. Harris' idea is to remove the exclusive nature of dating and call that stage "purposeful intimacy". I just called it "close friendship", but it's basically the same thing. The stage is there because Harris thinks, as I do, that you don't need to be in an exclusive relationship to decide whether you want to start courting someone. While you are right in saying that courting is not to be taken lightly, the system does make amends for the decision to be an informed one.
Also, courtship is NOT engagement. Every system of mating needs to have a period of exclusive relations outside marriage, courting is Harris'. It's dating as you know it, but it takes place later and with a different outcome in mind.
I am glad that dating worked for you and that you do not regret your decisions. That is wonderful and you are very lucky. I also think that if you want to come across as convincing, a lot of "fuck that"s will not aid your case. But I digress. You seem to like your opinions and you may keep them. Though frankly it seems you hardly need them anymore.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: my ten cents, two cents are free
Date: 2002-08-09 03:40 pm (UTC)I call the rock I hide under the "lutheran bretheren church". We are firm believers in heartache and scars, apparantly. I'm the outsider at my church for not having a girlfriend. And all that stuff went under my homeschool radar, or maybe it was before my time.
You say everybody gets burned from dating. What if everybody didn't? I'm not out to call dating Beast and cry for its abolition, but I will make it exceedingly clear that I feel there's a better way. I mean, given the choice - and I was - wouldn't you try and select the best way to find a mate? One that minimized suckiness/heartbreak/pregnancy? I think open selection is a very important step if you want to decide how to approach an important decision such as this.
Now, it's a bit odd to discuss this with someone for who discusses dating in past-perfect tense (pot to kettle: you are black) so I'm not going to try and change your mind. But I do want to correct a misunderstanding.
That is correct only in the letter of the theory, and misses the point. There is a stage necessary before courtship. Harris' idea is to remove the exclusive nature of dating and call that stage "purposeful intimacy". I just called it "close friendship", but it's basically the same thing. The stage is there because Harris thinks, as I do, that you don't need to be in an exclusive relationship to decide whether you want to start courting someone. While you are right in saying that courting is not to be taken lightly, the system does make amends for the decision to be an informed one.
Also, courtship is NOT engagement. Every system of mating needs to have a period of exclusive relations outside marriage, courting is Harris'. It's dating as you know it, but it takes place later and with a different outcome in mind.
I am glad that dating worked for you and that you do not regret your decisions. That is wonderful and you are very lucky. I also think that if you want to come across as convincing, a lot of "fuck that"s will not aid your case. But I digress. You seem to like your opinions and you may keep them. Though frankly it seems you hardly need them anymore.