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I don't really feel like writing
May. 1st, 2002 09:54 pmI haven't for a month now. For as much time as I spend on this dang site I feel like I should participate in journal (as opposed to comment) form. But you know, sometimes you just don't want to. This (last) month has been like that, mostly because it's been so generally sucky and mediocre. Not without bright spots of course. It's just nothing I want to think about more than I absolutely have to. I'd rather dance all night to the drum machines than write all afternoon. Things I'll note:
Lost my palmpilot. Bought new Palm IIIxe. Found old palmpilot. Thought that was pretty cool. An excuse to upgrade if nothing else. Will thank teacher for returning it.
Bought TI-89 for $100 in school money. Thought that was pretty cool too. Anyone want a slightly used TI-83+ for $40?
I did fine on 1st exams. I don't even feel like I studied that hard, though I know I did. Either it's getting easier or God is answering my prayers. I do like the uber-easy statistics class where I get 90s on tests I haven't done any work for. I wonder how long that will last! :)
I'm not liking my MFC class because I have no time to read the book, and the nature of evening classes is self-teaching. I've been basciallly fucking up that class all quarter. That's not good at all, I promise to do better on the next assigment (a grocery list program). Windows programming is very very strange. Not particularly difficult, but mostly strange.
I've talked a lot about 1.4, not because it's the only thing worth talking about, but because it's the only thing that I feel like talking about because it makes me happy. To a suprising degree, in fact, and probably more than is healthy - I played 20 minutes yesterday and felt so much better afterwards. Scary. What will happen when it sucks? Eventually I'll need a new game. There's always JK2 I suppose. Or maybe the real world.
You know what I need? A woman for whom I don't play second fiddle. I want to feel like a like I'm a priority to someone intelligent. There's a sentence that goes here and I don't want to say it. It deals with death.
See why I don't feel like writing? Every time I do stuff like this comes out. The last thing I want to do is be honest about my life and the exponential degree to which I feel that it sucks. And it really doesn't, I mean I have a ride, a job (sometimes), I'm learning stuff and I've got friends. That's all there is to it, right?
If grief is drowning, depression is treading water in a muddy lake to escape the mosquitoes on some godforsaken camping trip.
In the movie Rushmore Bill Murray's character gets up from his son's birthday party, walks to the diving board of his filthy backyard pool, takes a drag off his cigarette, and jumps in. Once under, he makes no effort to surface, or even remove the cigarette from his mouth. He doesn't see the point. I am sorry to say I know how he feels.
Lost my palmpilot. Bought new Palm IIIxe. Found old palmpilot. Thought that was pretty cool. An excuse to upgrade if nothing else. Will thank teacher for returning it.
Bought TI-89 for $100 in school money. Thought that was pretty cool too. Anyone want a slightly used TI-83+ for $40?
I did fine on 1st exams. I don't even feel like I studied that hard, though I know I did. Either it's getting easier or God is answering my prayers. I do like the uber-easy statistics class where I get 90s on tests I haven't done any work for. I wonder how long that will last! :)
I'm not liking my MFC class because I have no time to read the book, and the nature of evening classes is self-teaching. I've been basciallly fucking up that class all quarter. That's not good at all, I promise to do better on the next assigment (a grocery list program). Windows programming is very very strange. Not particularly difficult, but mostly strange.
I've talked a lot about 1.4, not because it's the only thing worth talking about, but because it's the only thing that I feel like talking about because it makes me happy. To a suprising degree, in fact, and probably more than is healthy - I played 20 minutes yesterday and felt so much better afterwards. Scary. What will happen when it sucks? Eventually I'll need a new game. There's always JK2 I suppose. Or maybe the real world.
You know what I need? A woman for whom I don't play second fiddle. I want to feel like a like I'm a priority to someone intelligent. There's a sentence that goes here and I don't want to say it. It deals with death.
See why I don't feel like writing? Every time I do stuff like this comes out. The last thing I want to do is be honest about my life and the exponential degree to which I feel that it sucks. And it really doesn't, I mean I have a ride, a job (sometimes), I'm learning stuff and I've got friends. That's all there is to it, right?
If grief is drowning, depression is treading water in a muddy lake to escape the mosquitoes on some godforsaken camping trip.
In the movie Rushmore Bill Murray's character gets up from his son's birthday party, walks to the diving board of his filthy backyard pool, takes a drag off his cigarette, and jumps in. Once under, he makes no effort to surface, or even remove the cigarette from his mouth. He doesn't see the point. I am sorry to say I know how he feels.
