your troubles are gone but your trouble is not

listen

Daybreaker

We lay on our backs in the grass
Silently watching the rain clouds move by far too fast
You said it was a night where anything could happen
But nothing was gonna last
And we're doing fine now yeah we do
We don't feel sad or bad or blue and you know
We ain't never defeated
Not broken inside all that is fine
Yeah all that is fine

We, we burn our boats each new year
Silently watching the flames and the old life disappear
We're burning new sunrise into yesterday's skies
An ashen fingerprint melts into the sea
And we're doing fine now yeah we do
We don't feel sad or bad or blue and you know
We ain't never defeated
Not broken inside all that is fine
Yeah all that is fine

-Beth Orton

FACT: The color ink on a DVD package accounts for 90 percent of its manufacturing cost.

I think the best thing I've done all week was spend a couple days at home. And even at that, I spent it not in the best mood, and mostly alone.

For the last two weeks I've been failing at buying shoes. Every few days I'll go to the mall and look, every day I poke around online. I've put two different pairs on hold in two cities but I'm still wearing my Vans. Apparantly buying size 11 Adidas Sambas in June is really, really hard. At only one point have I had good shoes in hand and been ready to buy them, but I didn't cause they weren't quite what I wanted. This is a very strange experience for me, as I have always had remarkable luck shoe shopping, and will find a nice pair within two stores, usually on sale. I can't shake the feeling that it's some kind of sign, but I can't for the life of me figure out for what.

The reason I'm looking is not because my shoes are worn out, but because I'm so sick of sitting in front of computers I can hardly sit still. I NEED to go running or something. And the thing about athletic activity is that Vans don't cut it. So I'll keep looking.

I still don't know how to answer people that ask how it is with Becky gone. I really should just defer and say that I don't want to talk about it, because really, you can probably guess by the look on my face.

Work is going very poorly. Monday through Wednesday of this week are 7-10 hour days for me so I can make up hours I skipped during finals. Unfortunately, these days in particular are not going to be well-spent. There was a huge flameout between the Assignments office and Iain, and all the debris are landing on my head. The story is too long and convoluted to write here, but suffice it to say Iain is blaming me for all of it, and while I will admit that I made a mistake, I believe he's just as culpable. He should've said what he's saying now months ago if he found it to be a problem. And yes, our business processes suck rocks, they are not my problem to maintain - that's his job. If a job falls through due to bad process, communication or tools I fail to see how I can be held responsible. My job is updating content, not managing the office workflow.
So now he's trying to pull me back from my server admin duties because they're 'slowing down web requests'. Boy, if those servers fall over nobody's gonna be able to make web requests. Slow turnaround on the web is problems for you, but broken servers are a problem for thousands of people. I flatly refuse to be held partially responsible for these servers. If he wants me to be hands-off with them, I'm handing in my sudo and washing my hands of it, because I won't get stuck like Amiel and be around when they fall over again - and they will if Iain runs them. But if he wants a student server admin, he'd better start paying him for it and letting him do his job. I built those servers from nothing, after he fucked them up, and I refuse to let him tell me I haven't been doing my job by keeping them running. He's been to meetings that I scheduled, where I talked about what I was doing to keep the servers up, and how I was going to make all these changes, and he never said word one about any of this being a problem or questioning my authority to do it. To suddenly switch and call it my fault is horseshit.
I've been furious for the last 4 hours and it's getting awfully tiresome. Something is going to break tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. Nick Whalen suddenly has my sympathy. I could see quitting over shit like this. I may have to go over his head.

I want out. Summer was supposed to be better than this.

I think I'm going to go watch Pulp Fiction. I was listening to the soundtrack the other day (yay for forgotten CDs) and realized I've only ever watched about half of it.