like buried treasure

[intjonathan]

Matthew 25
14. "For [the kingdom of heaven] is as if a man, going on a journey, summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them;
15. to one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away.
16. The one who had received the five talents went off at once and traded with them, and made five more talents.
17. In the same way, the one who had the two talents made two more talents.
18. But the one who had received the one talent went off and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19. After a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them.
20. Then the one who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five more talents, saying, 'Master, you handed over to me five talents; see, I have made five more talents.'
21. His master said to him, 'Well done, good and trustworthy slave; you have been trustworthy in a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'
22. And the one with the two talents also came forward, saying, 'Master, you handed over to me two talents; see, I have made two more talents.'
23. His master said to him, 'Well done, good and trustworthy slave; you have been trustworthy in a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'
24. Then the one who had received the one talent also came forward, saying, 'Master, I knew that you were a harsh man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed;
25. so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.'
26. But his master replied, 'You wicked and lazy slave! You knew, did you, that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I did not scatter?
27. Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received what was my own with interest.

My whole life, I have taken most of the love I have for others and dropped it in the ground. It's never done me much good there, but it never left either. There's no need to stop loving somebody if they don't know you've ever started. But instead of disappearing, it rots like a carcass. Love is not gold, not a treasure you can find, it is a life, a breathing bleeding creature that dies when you bury it and stinks when you dig it back up.

I have been rebuked as a foolish servant. Much love that should have been traded has been lost. Out of fear and a desire to protect myself, it was buried. Now the landscape of love is a graveyard, full of memory, silence, and longing. A horrible record of broken promises.

I don't know how to bring life into this place. I know I was given more than one talent, but I feel I have but one left, and the master is coming soon.

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[niralisse.livejournal.com]

I am, to those who know me. This is about never giving people the chance to, and that's a regret for missed opportunity that stings pretty bad.