strange home

[intjonathan]

So I'm sitting here in computer lab, my usual haunt, feeling as much out of place as I do home. Vacations are wonderful (especially when your van's back seat converts to a comfy bed), but I think that the hallowed 3-day weekend is waay to short. I mean, if you're going to vacate, do it right! Take a week or more and really get out of it.

It was nice having only familial females to deal with over the weekend after bellyaching all day friday about that opposite sex. I think I worry too much about women sometimes - I mean, they don't hate me or nothing, in fact I seem to have the opposite problem - and I wonder at how little experince I have being friends with them, which makes it weird more often than I'd like. A lot of the weirdness is just me throwing too much of myself into my friendships. This puts me in a weird position where I have friendships that mean entirely too much to both of us involved, and I start getting jealous. The other person rarely does (or at least she doesn't tell me about it) and so I'll just sit and stew for the longest time about it. I don't force myself not to worry very often, but this is a case where I'm shoving panic aside quite often.

You can imagine just how weird this can get when I have friends across the country... some of my best girl friends are in places like Pennsylvania. Not exactly convenient to tool down there and say hi. Email has sort of lost its touch as a deep communication medium for me, mostly because it hurts way too much to type anymore - with programming crunch time for two classes my hands can't take too much else. I used to write these beautiful emails to my friends. Really they were art. I'd ICQ for hours and drive my mother crazy. But since injuring my arms last spring all that has gone away. I'm quieter now, with less of a need to express. I'd love to talk deep with my friends but man, unless they call and rack up that phone bill, it just doesn't happen anymore. I was kind of hoping this journal thing could fix that, but it ends up being this one-way thing because the comment system is far underused. I'll post comments in random people's journals just to let them know I'm reading it... it's fun.

Ok, enough moping, bible study is today and I've got Graham's CDs o' goodness and I just came back from a beautiful place out in the country.

Jonathan.

And trusting gets harder now
I wish you were here beside me
My failures my fears and doubts have been haunting me
I'm just not who I thought I'd be
-Salomon-

Comments

heh heh heh...

[(Anonymous)]

Smile! Ya booger!!

Did you have fun after Tiffy and I left? I don't know how you possibly could, but I hope you did.

Yay, yay, yay.

-Dani

Re: heh heh heh...

[niralisse.livejournal.com]

Well, I dunno. Fun, I guess, was had. It was certainly relaxing, all that sitting in the lab doing nothing. But I realized today that a relaxing sit in the lab will not happen until school is out again. This was not a fun realization. I hope not to have it again too much, or have it enough to push my butt off the seat and work like I'm supposed to.

the evil feeds us all, but we must starve it and drink of the good

[fuzzandfeedback.livejournal.com]

I know what you're talking about with the journal stuff; it's like, if you post something online and no one reads it, is it really there?

but I'll try to comment on the relevant stuff. hopefully the SLUG chillage was cheering tonight, though I realize all too well that hanging out with friends doesn't ALWAYS make people feel better, sometimes it's inverse.
Anyway, keep safe and sane until next tuesday.

BTW, I'm thinking of starting Bible Study a little earlier. I think it went well today, but part of our problem is that we take so long to get started that near the end we feel cramped. What do you think of 3.30?

Re: the evil feeds us all, but we must starve it and drink of the good

[niralisse.livejournal.com]

The chillage was indeed good, however there was too much of it. Should've left earlier but I guess I don't know any better.